I slept well last night. No tummy pain, thank goodness. Let’s see how it goes. I’m travelling to Munich next week to attend a congress. Marie, my girlfriend, will join me there and we’ll spend a few days at Lake Königssee. I’m very much looking forward to it. I suspect Marie is going to bring up the topic of starting a family. I’m not so sure. Even the thought of it makes me cringe. I still want to find myself first.
Time to go visit the loo again. Gosh, that was unpleasant. Loose and bloody. I think I’ll phone in to ask Jess if I can work from home today. I also need to call my specialist nurse, Jane, about what to do. I hope she won’t suggest another colonoscopy. Enemas or systemic steroids, or both? We’ll see.
The phone’s ringing. It’s Mum. I managed to calm her down, though not before another lecture about getting myself admitted to hospital for IV steroids and biologic therapy. Please, just stop. Let me decide. Anyway, I asked her to ring Marie and cancel the dinner date I’d arranged for us all tonight. What about my trip to Munich? Should I still go? I’ll call Dr Armstrong and let him decide.
Well, it’s two days later and I’m at the railway station with Emma. I hope there’ll be a proper loo on board. I feel all right, just some butterflies in my stomach, nothing special. A whistle! Let’s get going. Which compartment, which seats? God help me. I should have made a note on my phone or put it down on a piece of paper. Too late now.
We’ve arrived! Life seems bright again. I’m so hungry. I feel it in my stomach, like a strong pain. No worries, I packed some sandwiches. Oh no, I just remembered: Jane said I shouldn’t eat away from home because of gastrocolic reflex. I decided to follow her advice. Better safe than sorry.
We reached Königssee in little more than an hour. The room was cosy, the mattresses excellent. They really helped my back. Lower back pain has become part of my life. No matter how long you suffer from it, you never get used to pain.
I had some more bloody motions this afternoon, even though I gave myself some Mesalazine enemas. Emma and I had a falling out because she tried to make me go for a walk with her around the lake. She insisted it would do me the world of good. I just wanted to lie down with a good book. She walked out, slamming the door. IBD plays havoc with your personal life. She came back an hour later and we made up. We decided to have dinner in the hotel. I warned them about my lactose intolerance and everything went well. It’s great, but I just wish I could get back to normal life again.
Morning. I slept like a log. She’s still asleep. This usually upsets me. Maybe I’m a bit egoistical, but don’t couples usually wake up at the same time on a weekend or holiday? You know, have and have a cuddle and whisper sweet words to each other. Oh hell, here it is again, that horrible lower abdominal cramp. My doctor calls it rectal tenesmus. Might be a good idea to go to the bathroom. I had an accident last time. Fotunately, I was at home. It’s such a shame I’m having a relapse. The smell is terrible. My bottom gets so sore from wiping it that I hardly can walk. Marie will be mad again, I know it.
Breakfast. Silence. It’s torture when she goes silent. Maybe it’s because I only ordered toast and a cup of camomile tea. She said she’d had a week of indulgence in mind. But any time I think of alcohol I feel nauseous on the spot. Sorry, not my bad.
Evening. Peace at last, thank God. I had a long chat with her about our future. I told her there’s a chance I might need my entire large bowel removed or get really bad arthritis. If worst comes to worst, I could need a liver transplant. She thought about it, then put her head on my shoulder and squeezed my hand. It looks like we do have a future together, after all.
